One more chance
by Hay Brady
Summary: Ste and Brendan become back involved with each other, but as they say, the course of true love never did run smoothly...!
1. Chapter 1

***A/N Since Hollyoaks have forgotten the last punch, I chose to as well. There's also a brief clear up of what happened with Ste and Declan, since they couldn't be bothered to tell us that, either! So anyway, this is a bit of pointless fluff. Er, enjoy!* **

_Valentines Day._

What a sad excuse for a holiday that was. Ste hated it. He hated how he could never afford to buy his girlfriend (at the time) a decent enough present. He hated how he could never treat Amy, when they were together and it wasn't all bad, to a break away. It was always the same thing for him and his relationships. Go to the cinema and maybe, if they were lucky, he'd buy them something to eat afterwards. Which usually was a McDonalds, or a sandwich. Never anything fancy, and he hated that. He would see all these other blokes in the expensive shops buying diamonds or massive boxes of chocolates, and always wished the same thing. That he could save enough money to really treat someone for once. But he never did. Something always came up that stopped him from saving up to buy a nice present for once. The kids needed clothes, the rent needed paying, the electricity always ran out and they needed to top it up. Just stupid little domestic things that at 21, he shouldn't have had to worry about.

Except he didn't need to worry now. He was single, and didn't have to buy presents for anyone. He and Noah had gone through a Valentines Day. Noah bought him flowers, (despite Ste saying tons of times before that he doesn't like flowers) and made him breakfast in bed. Which was nice, but Ste couldn't help feeling rotten that he didn't buy Noah anything. He'd forgotten all about it, and it was too late to nip out and get him something. So all Ste could do was apologise, and try make it up to him. But now, Ste had nobody to care for but himself and his family. He could go out, and buy himself a little present. Maybe a new polo shirt, or a new pair of jeans. It wasn't like he didn't get paid enough to splash out, now that he worked as manager in the SU. It wasn't loads, or as much as Chez Chez paid him (Or Brendan paid him) but it was enough to keep their heads above water with a little left over to treat the kids or himself and Amy to a couple of takeaways and a film.

Right now, though, he was preparing for the event being held in the bar tonight.

"Pass us that banner, Dodger" Ste said, standing on top of a ladder. "And scatter some of those fake roses everywhere."

"Yes boss." Dodger picked up the box of decorations. "What's this?"

"I dunno. What is it?"

"A baby."

"Cupid, innit?" Ste jumped down from the ladder, and observed how straight the banner was. "Shoots people with his arrows and that, makes them fall in love or summat."

Dodger made a face, and he chucked the figurine back into the cardboard box and started placing the fake roses on every table. "Where did you find these, anyway?"

"Back of that cupboard."

"Half of them are broken."

"I weren't gonna buy nothing for one night, Dodger."

"They'll probably end up getting even more wrecked anyway," Dodger said as he climbed the ladder himself and hung some hearts from the ceiling. "Cos it's gonna be massive tonight. You bringin' anyone?"

"Nah," Ste shook his head. "You?"

Dodger laughed, "I don't take my own food to a buffet, Ste."

But Ste didn't catch on to the joke. "Eh?"

"Bringing my own date, when there's gonna be plenty of girls round 'ere. It's like taking food to a buffet. You don't do it, do ya?"

"Oh." Ste said, then laughed. Still not really getting it. "Right, course."

It felt weird, for Ste, being the boss of someone for once. He had always been the underdog. The one who got bossed about, and had to ask how high whenever someone told him to jump. He was kind of the boss in Relish, but this was different. This time, he was the one who called all the shots. He could hire and fire people whenever he wanted, if they didn't work up to his standards. People spoke to him with respect now. That was an odd one. Being treated like a somebody, rather than nobody. Being brushed off like he didn't mean anything, or ignored like he wasn't even there. Like his existence didn't even matter. But this job wasn't like that. He did matter. People cared about him. He had friends. Actual friends who wanted to spend time with him. Who liked him, and didn't try put him down whenever they got the chance. All of his life, he spent most of his time depending on one person. Amy. It would drag her down, and he hated that. How he was stopping her from living her own life, due to his selfishness of needing her. But it wasn't like that anymore. She was still his best friend, but he didn't hold her back. And they were both happier for it. A lot happier. Although, not everything in Ste's life was perfect. There was still that one thing - that one person who wouldn't leave him alone, even though he was rarely ever around.

Ste had seen him a couple of times, in the village, and they'd exchanged a few words in little mumbles, as they passed each other. Most of the time, it felt like they didn't even know each other. Like everything that went on between them never happened, and all they ever were to each other was boss and employee. It was difficult, getting over everything. Moving on. But Ste had to, for his own sanity. He couldn't carry on laying in bed on a night, thinking, "What if". It wasn't healthy, and it didn't make things better. It just made them worse. A lot worse. Cheryl, however, made sure to keep Ste up to date on how Brendan was doing. How he'd changed recently, and how he'd even gone to an anger management class, (even though he walked out after ten minutes) and how he listened to what his counsellor had to say. Until they started asking him questions - that was his cue to leave. He stormed out. But he still went, which was an improvement. He'd also spoken to Declan, and they had made up. Brendan had gone to see him, and Padraig for a few days, and came back happier than he had been for a while. More at peace with himself, or at least that's how it came across to Cheryl. And Ste knew. He knew he should have been happy for him. This is what he'd wanted all along. Brendan to sort himself out, and for them to get on with their separate lives - but he wasn't. Not really. He couldn't help feeling that he should have been around when Brendan was at his worst; to help, rather than just leaving him to it. But it didn't matter now. They were both better for being apart. Totally. So it was good. Great, even. It was all just _great_.

By the time half past eight rolled around, Ste left Dodger to man the bar whilst he went home to get a shower and get changed. He'd been slaving around the bar all day, putting up the decorations and trying his hardest to make the place look less tacky. The cheap hearts and roses he found in the cupboard almost did the trick, but not quite. As he continued to walk back to his flat, he noticed Chez Chez. The doors were closed, the chain locked on the front entrance, the lights were off and everything was silent. He was surprised to realise it was closed up. Then he noticed Brendan, walking out of Price Slice with a bottle of whisky in his hand. He still felt that ridiculous tingling sensation in his stomach, and the palms of his hands still went clammy, and he still clamped them together as though they had been glued like that. Keep in the shadows. That's what he should do, so Brendan wouldn't see him. So he could avoid the awkward conversation he would no doubt be unable to stop himself from making. Brendan wasn't really paying attention to his surroundings, though, his eyes were staring down at the floor as his pointy shoes scuffed against the concrete. Ste's feet had other ideas, and before he knew it, he'd banged into him - sending the bottle of whisky flying out of his hands.

"Wanna watch where yer going?" Brendan snapped, watching as the bottle shattered into pieces as the glass hit the ground. "Ye can pay for-..."

"Sorry." Ste mumbled, once Brendan met his eye.

"No," Brendan's voice went quiet, "No it's fine."

"I'll get you another."

"Last one."

"Oh." Ste said, feeling a pang of guilt for doing this on purpose now. "Well there's a party at the SU Bar, if you wanna come."

Brendan raised an eyebrow, "A party?"

"Valentines Day thing." Ste said, realising how lame it probably sounded. "I organised it."

"Nice."

"You could have a drink there, if you want. On me, obviously. Cos I get them for free, don't I? So.."

_'Shut up, Ste.' _He thought to himself.

"I'll think about it." Brendan said, brushing past Ste in an attempt to walk off.

"Well done, by the way." Ste shouted after him.

Brendan stopped in his tracks, and turned his body slightly to face Ste again. "For?"

"That counselling thing. Cheryl told me."

"Course she did," Brendan muttered under his breath. "Thanks."

"I'll let you get off." Ste said, quietly. He could tell Brendan didn't want to talk to him. "See you later."

"Yeah, maybe." Brendan looked at him once more before he turned to walk away.

Ste just stood there, outside the shop, watching him as he walked off. Hands back in his pockets and his feet, again, scuffing against the floor. Cheryl was right. He did seem happier, despite his uncomfortable presence when he was around Ste. He was more "there" in the head. Brendan was a man who could never be normal - even if he tried, but he seemed to be closer to it than he ever had been. The problems he experienced in prison, the effect they had on him ... it was so bad. At the time, Ste thought he was seeing a brand new person. This wasn't the man who had declared love to him just a few months earlier, or the man who wanted to be with him. He was cold, now. To everyone. Even to Cheryl. Ste hated to see it. He hated to see how damaged Brendan was, and how it meant he was pushing everyone away in an order. Ste first, then Declan, and then Cheryl - until he had nobody left. Until he hit rock bottom and realised that, actually, he did need people. He'd gotten Cheryl back. Quite easily, it seemed. She could see how much he needed the help, and she wasn't going to make him squirm and apologise thousands of times like she once would have done. He'd gotten Declan back. He just hadn't gotten round to getting Ste back. Maybe he didn't want him. Maybe that was why he was better now. Without Ste in his life. Nagging him, driving him up the wall with demands, with feelings. Ste shook his head, clearing the thoughts, and carried on back to the flat.

In the end, Ste had chosen a dark blue polo, his best pair of jeans and his leather jacket. Nothing fancy, but something nice enough. By the time he got back to the SU Bar, it was booming. Completely packed. Ste had to fight his way through endless crowds to get to the front, to let Dodger know he was back. He was pleased with how well things had turned out. He organised this, and all these people - they wanted to be here. Chez Chez had held events before, and Ste always noticed the look of accomplishment on Cheryl's face when the place was packed, and that was the look he imagined was on his face now. Pride. Accomplishment. Dodger was already eyeing up a couple of girls in the corner. That was one of the many problems being friends with Dodger, Ste found. He always talked about girls. How many he'd had, how long he'd had a girlfriend for (which wasn't very long), how many he could remember the names of. He was a pig, really, but Ste supposed to he wasn't all bad. Decent when you got to know him, at least. Plus Amy had a soft spot for him, and Ste always wanted to do a bit of matchmaking between them. He hadn't quite gotten round to it, but it was a work in progress.

Ste spent most of his night near his office, or by the bar talking to Dodger. Well, he stood at the bar looking through the crowds of drunk people, for someone in particular, while Dodger carried on eyeing up the women in hopes one of them would take the bait and approach him. A few of the blokes had given Ste the eye once or twice, trying to get his attention, but Ste shrugged it off. He wasn't that interested, really. He did, however, find it quite sweet when a student bit the bullet and introduced himself. His hands were shaking, and he kept getting tongue tied and apologising for being so nervous. Ste could relate to it. He used to get like that when he spoke to Brendan. He still did, sometimes. And then he heard a voice in his ear. A voice he knew too well.

"Good party." He said. His voice was low, but loud enough for Ste to hear over the ridiculous music.

"Ta," Ste replied, feeling his face flame.

"Yer idea, then?" Brendan asked, picking up one of the roses that lay on the bar. "Hearts and flowers. Very romantic, Stephen."

"It's meant to be." Ste snatched it back off him, and put it back down. "You want a drink or summat?"

"Beer, thanks."

"Alright."

They grabbed a table where it was quieter. Brendan, as much as Ste, couldn't deal with drunk people. Too annoying and in-your-face. Things were still a little frosty, although they were bound to be. It had been a while since they were civil with each other. Usually, with them, it was either at each other's throats or in each other's beds. There was never a balance. Always one extreme or the other. That was the problem, really. Their love/hate relationship was most of the time on the hate mark, and it didn't have to be. It was always possible for them to be at least friends, and if it didn't work then at least they tried. At least they knew, instead of wondering what would have been. Ste wondered if he should apologise, about Declan and what happened, but he worried that if he brought it up; everything would be ruined. It was going too well to be a disaster now. However Ste couldn't seem to help himself. He apologised. The words spilling out of his mouth so fast that he couldn't stop them if he tried. Brendan was seemingly taken aback after Ste's little speech, given how quiet he went.

He took a swig of his beer, and sighed. "Declan told me what happened when he went to yer flat."

Ste just sat there, silent. He suddenly felt like a child, having to explain himself to a parent.

"He shouldn't have threatened to run away if ye told me where he was. He shouldn't have put ye in that position, and he knows that now. Ye had no choice in the matter. It's .. I shouldn't have .."

Sensing that he'd brought the conversation down to a level too serious, Ste finished the rest of his beer and changed the subject again.

"So, how come the club isn't open tonight then?" He asked lightly. "Thought Cheryl liked a party."

"She was too busy with her school rubbish to sort something out."

"What about Rhys, and Ash?"

"Ye really think I'd trust either of them two, with my club?" Brendan smirked as he told him, "Anyway, ye should be grateful. We wouldn't wanna run ye out of business."

"Yeah, as if."

As the evening progressed, Brendan and Ste's conversation went smoothly, and it took next to no effort to keep it going. This was probably the most they had ever spoken to each other - ever, in the couple of years they had known each other. They didn't discuss anything serious. They didn't discuss their previous relationship at all. They just ... talked. Had a laugh, and a joke, and both cracked a smile more than once. It was nice. The uncomfortable tension had disappeared, and they had become way too involved in each other to remember that they were at a party, in the SU Bar, and that there were other people around. Because, like always, it didn't feel like it. Sometimes, with them, it felt like a bubble had enclosed them within it, and kept them there. Away from everyone and everything else. And it was weird, because for Brendan, that had never happened before. He wasn't used to feeling like the person he was with - at the time - was the only person in the room. The only person in the fucking universe, even. Yet the weirdest thing was, he didn't feel it with anyone else. Just Ste. And even now, after all this time; after all the pain they'd put each other through - that same feeling was there. That same feeling had taken over them both, right now, as the party began to come to its end. People began leaving in little groups, and the music in the background became softer as the lights became brighter.

They probably could have stayed like that all night, just sitting at the table and talking - getting to know each other again, if Amy hadn't text Ste wondering where he was. He did tell her he would be home for at least midnight, if not about ten past. It wasn't like he had a curfew or anything - she wasn't his mother, but she did worry. Especially since he knew someone (Dodger.) will have told her that he was with Brendan. Once they both came back down to earth, Ste looked round at the empty bar. The mess that had been made was ridiculous. He knew he would have to clean it up, but that could wait until the morning. He was knackered.

They both got up, and Brendan reached up from where he was stood, and snapped down one of the glittery hearts. "Seriously, Stephen. This is tacky."

"That," Ste told him, "is what Valentines Day is all about, innit. Tacky stuff like that."

"I wouldn't know. It's not really my idea of ... fun."

"I can imagine." Ste mumbled, picking up a few empty beer bottles on his way back behind the bar.

"Ye like working here, don't ye?" Brendan said. He couldn't help noticing Ste's new confidence with being in a more powerful position. The way Ste worked was impressive, Brendan had always known that, but he felt a newfound respect for Ste. Something he never normally felt for anyone. Respect.

"Yeah. Cos I don't have moody bosses whinging at me all the time, do I?" Ste teased, turning a few of the lights off.

"I'll tell Cheryl ye said that."

Once they'd both made their way to the door, flicking light switches off as they passed them, things were a little less playful and a little more serious.

"Ye throw a good party." Brendan said softly.

"Least I don't owe you for that whisky no more." Ste smiled.

"I guess not."

The air was cold when they both reached the outside, and the pavement damp from the rain.

"We should .. er," Brendan coughed awkwardly. "do it again. This, I mean."

"Yeah," Ste smiled as he turned to walk in the opposite direction. "Maybe."

But Brendan stopped him.

"What about a drink sometime?" He asked after him.

"What?" Ste turned back around. "At Chez Chez?"

"Or a place in town." Brendan slipped his hands back into his pockets. "Like a ... like a thing."

"Like a what?"

He coughed again, and looked up to the dark sky. Ste was really gonna make him say it, wasn't he? "Ye know, those things people go on sometimes."

"Like a _date_?"

"Yeah," Brendan ran his fingers over his moustache, as he often did when he was nervous. "Those."

"Us?" Ste needed to get this right, "On a date?"

"Yeah. A few drinks, a bite to eat."

Ste then went silent for a couple of minutes, and Brendan couldn't stand it. He'd done it again. Put himself on the line - something he thought he'd learnt not to do from doing it once too many times before. Him being vulnerable, and leaving himself open to get hurt again ... it was stupid. He knew he shouldn't have asked. That he'd gotten it wrong. What an idiot he had been, agai-

"Yeah," Ste finally answered, interrupting Brendan's thoughts, with a smile across his face. "Okay, yeah."

"Good." Brendan kept cool. Like he hadn't just been freaking out inside. "Good. I'll, er .. pick ye up tomorrow. Around eight?"

"Sounds good." Ste was still smiling, this time it was a smaller, more tender smile. One Brendan hadn't seen directed at him for a while. One Brendan had waited so long to see again.

They both parted after a few more words had been exchanged, and Ste knew. He wasn't thick. He knew this entire thing could go two ways. It could go really badly. Or it could end up going really well. The chance that Ste could possibly get what he'd never stopped wanting ever since he met Brendan was too tempting to pass up. Final chance. One more try. He knew what Amy would say, and how he would feel in the morning once he'd thought about it. But no, fuck it, he was doing this. They were doing this. If it went wrong, it went wrong - but at least they could walk away knowing they'd tried. Knowing they'd given it their best shot. And boy, would they.


	2. Chapter 2

"Ames, it's one date!" Ste shouted from inside the bathroom, where he was currently doing his hair.

He knew she would react like this. Not that he could blame her. She had every right to be against the idea of Ste getting back involved with that "slimeball" as she put it. She knew what he was like, and how he treated people. She couldn't bear the thought of Ste coming back home one day, covered in bruises again. It broke her heart that he kept going back to him, and she tried so hard to make him see that Brendan was bad news. He was a man who, unlike Ste, could not change. But, like always, Ste didn't listen to her. He was old enough to make his own mistakes and learn from them. That's why they were going on this .. "date". Ste didn't want to rush back into that same old turn of events. Things could be taken slowly, at least. And the minute Ste got a whiff of the old Brendan, he would be out of there like a shot.

"Ste, please." Amy said, as Ste finally emerged. "Why can't you see what he's trying to do?"

"He's not trying to do anything." Ste shook his head, "Do you know that he's never asked me out before? Like proper. He never has."

"So?"

"So", he told her, "it means something coming from Brendan. We're gonna be in public. When has Brendan ever wanted to be with me in public?"

Amy seemed to consider this for a moment, "And how do you know he's not trying to worm his way back in? How do you know that the minute he knows he's gotten back in there," She tapped the side of his head, "he won't go back to what he was?"

"I don't know that." Ste put his phone in to his pocket, "But I promise you, right, if he does I'll keep away. Honestly this is his last chance."

"You've said that before. Then you came home the next day and could hardly move for bruises! That he caused!"

Ste winced as memories of fists pounding into his ribs repeatedly flashed through his mind. He shook them off, and breathed. "You need to trust me, Ames, I know what I'm doing."

She sighed. She knew she was fighting a losing battle here. "Make sure you do. Do you hear me, Stephen Hay? I don't want you to get hurt and I can't watch you go through all that again because of him playing with you like you're a toy."

"You won't have to," Ste hugged her tightly. "I promise."

"Okay." She sniffed. Ste knew she was crying a little. "Okay. Well .. have fun, I guess. And let him know that if he dares do anything to hurt you, he has me to answer to."

"I'm sure he already knows." Ste kissed her cheek lightly and put on his jacket. "I'll text you updates, yeah? That alright?"

"Yeah."

Ste smiled at her, and left. It had taken him a good couple of hours to decide what to wear. He didn't want to overdress, because he knew Brendan probably wouldn't, but he didn't want to look too scruffy either incase they were going to somewhere fancy. Brendan had a lot of contacts around Chester, a lot of contacts with posh fancy restaurants and clubs. Ste didn't want to end up looking like a mess while Brendan looked .. well, like Brendan. Smooth, and sophisticated. So he picked one of his best shirts (a dark purple one, that looked silky but wasn't) and his best suit trousers that he'd only ever worn a few times on really special occasions like Christmas and the kids' birthday's. Brendan was already waiting for him outside Chez Chez when he got there. Ste didn't recognize the car. He figured it must have been on of Brendan's loans from a mate that owed him a favour. The windows were tinted black, but you could still see inside under the right amount of lighting. Ste wasn't great with cars, so he had no idea what make it was. All he could see was that it was an expensive car. Real expensive.

It was much nicer inside, too. The seats were real leather, and they heated up as well. Which, at one point throughout the journey, made Ste feel like he'd had an "accident". Brendan cottoned on, and laughed.

"Heated seats," He pointed out, reassuringly. "Don't worry."

"Where we off?" Ste asked, brushing off his slight embarrassment.

Brendan took a hand off the steering wheel, and tapped his nose. "Ye'll see."

"That isn't fair," Ste sulked. "What if I don't like it?"

"Ye will."

"But if I don't, right, just think about it for a minute - you'll have to take me somewhere else and how daft is that?"

Brendan smirked, "If ye don't like it, I have other ideas."

Ste crossed his arms and pouted. "Fine, don't tell me."

"I wasn't going to."

Bastard, Ste thought. Always so bloody mysterious.

Eventually Brendan turned left and pulled into a darkened car park, next to a tall building. Ste looked up at the entire thing once he got out of the car. The building was well-lit, covered from top to bottom in dim yellow lights. He had no idea where they were, though. He saw a couple of people walk into the place. A tall woman, with flowing dark hair and a long red dress on and a man following her inside. He was wearing a suit, not too different from the one Brendan was in. A classy place, then. Ste thanked God silently that he was dressed almost appropriately.

"Where's this?" Ste questioned.

"I said ye'll see." Brendan opened the door, letting Ste go in first.

They were greeted by an elderly looking man, with a pair of thin glasses on.

"I'm afraid we have no tables available, sir." The older man said, looking at Brendan.

"Brendan Brady." Brendan simply responded. "I believe my arrangements have been discussed with ye."

"Oh. Yes, of course." The waiter's cheeks turned a bright pink. "Certainly. Right this way sir."

He led them both through a maze of tables, through the kitchen, to a more secluded room filled with individual booths. Ste could see people sitting in them, talking amongst themselves in hushed tones.

"Here you are, sir." The man opened the booth curtain for them both. "May I get you some water?"

"I'm fine with beer, me." Ste mumbled to Brendan before sitting down.

"Ye heard the man, two beers."

"Of course." The waiter smiled, and swiftly made an exit through the double doors.

"Ere it's dead fancy, this." Ste whispered, excitedly. "Look at all these forks!"

"People eat with forks."

"Yeah but look," Ste held one up, "How big is that?"

"It's a salad fork."

"Does that mean I can't eat me dinner with it?"

"Ye can eat with whatever ye like, Stephen. Relax, yeah?"

Ste smiled briefly, before looking back down at the multiple utensils. The waiter soon returned with their drinks, and asked if they were ready to order. For starters, Ste didn't want anything but Brendan and his appetite couldn't resist from ordering some onion rings, with a plate of chips. For their main course, they both ordered the Spaghetti Bolognese (with another side-order of chips, for Brendan).

As usual, Brendan's table manners were kept to a minimum. Ste poked at his food, sniggering every time Brendan got a little bit of sauce on his moustache.

"You eat like a pig."

"Ye eat like a woman."

"Been on dates with many women, have ya?"

"Fair point."

Ste twisted some spaghetti onto his fork neatly and stuffed it in his mouth, "Proper weird this, innit?"

"What is?"

"This." Ste pointed between the two of them.

"Why?"

"Come off it, Brendan. You know why."

"Enlighten me."

"Well we've never been out before. Not properly, like this, have we?"

"I suppose."

"And last time we went somewhere, you did a runner."

Brendan shrugged. "Things have changed since then, Stephen."

"How, though?"

And this is where things, for Brendan, started to get a little bit difficult. A little bit too personal. Where he had to go inside that box, inside his mind, and pick out some things to say. Things that had to do with feelings, and not just Ste's, but his own. A part of him that wasn't the most simple thing to talk about. He didn't function like ordinary people. His feelings weren't as straight-forward as Ste's, or as other people's and how they felt about someone. He couldn't just open up, and say how he felt or what he thought, for fear. Fear of being rejected, or turned away into the cold. Prison had shown him a lot of things. But with Ste .. Jesus with Ste, so many things had changed while he was in there. When he came out of that hell-hole, he was a changed man. He was dead-set on revenge, and nothing more. He wanted to get Warren out of the way. Make the bastard pay for what he'd done, and once that was over with - he could resume to his normal life and go about his days like he did before. With everyone, and he planned to include Ste in that. But when he saw him for that first time .. fuck, he couldn't. He looked at him, and all he saw in his mind was Ste thinking he was guilty. Thinking he was capable of such awful things, and he wasn't going to lie - it hurt. Stung like a bitch, right in the chest. Right where he wasn't used to feeling pain. It wasn't a physical pain; something he was used to and could get over. It was emotional, and he couldn't fucking stand it. He was slowly being suffocated by his feelings for this boy. This boy who didn't trust him enough to stick by him when he really needed him. And he was Brendan Brady, he didn't need anybody. But he needed him. So badly. That place, it was brutal. It was like a never-ending nightmare. And he wanted to wake up, to a place he knew. A warm place he could be comfortable in. A place he was accepted for what he was, and who he was. A place with someone who saw through all the bad things, and saw that one good thing. That one genuine thing in him, that nobody else but he could see. Yet he didn't have that. He didn't have that place, or that person. It had all gone. Ruined, destroyed, completely disappeared.

Ste was still looking at him, still awaiting an answer, with those big blue eyes. Ones Brendan often thought could see right through him, deep into his soul. They sucked him in, did those eyes. Made him feel like .. anything was possible. Anything and everything. This, now, where they were. This thing they were doing. That was possible, because of him. Because of the effect he'd had on Brendan's life. Never, in a billion years, could Brendan have seen himself doing this - with another man. But not just any man. Ste wasn't just "any man" at all. He was different. Ridiculously so. And Brendan hated that. That difference he could see so damn obviously when he looked at him. It was an unnerving difference. One that forced Brendan to admit to all these things he had been running from - for years. But sometimes .. just sometimes the difference in Ste would be comforting. That, maybe, he could get through this. Maybe it was possible after all.

"Brendan?"

"Are you wanting dessert, sir?"

Brendan looked over at Ste, snapping out of his daydream, waiting for his answer.

"I'm alright, ta." Ste said, "Another beer though, please."

"No beer." Brendan said, casually. "Fetch us yer finest red wine."

"Right away, sir." The waiter took their empty plates, and disappeared again.

"Beer was fine." Ste fiddled with his napkin. "You don't have to try so hard, you know."

"I won't next time."

"Oh, next time?" Ste raised his eyebrows. "Who said there would even be a next time?"

"So there won't be?"

"I didn't say that." Ste smiled, "But if there is, don't go taking me to Buckingham palace or anything like that."

"I'm not sure the Queen allows just anyone in her home, Stephen."

"I'm just saying," Ste shrugged. "a drink at the club would be fine. Unless you don't want us to be seen, then I guess places like this is good..."

"I didn't take ye to the club, Stephen, because I work there. It's like a-"

"Busman's holiday." Ste finished the sentence before Brendan could. "I remember what it means."

Brendan sat back and crossed his arms. "Go on, then."

"Er," Ste's eyebrows furrowed as he concentrated. "Summat to do with going to the place you work for fun, cos it's not fun. Or summat."

"Nearly." Brendan let a smile play out on his lips.

Brendan had taught him what that meant, ages ago now. Right near the beginning. Brendan was quite surprised he remembered it, actually, considering how much he'd had to drink that night.

"We should go in a minute," Ste downed the last of his glass of wine. "Amy's going mad."

Brendan groaned, "It's not like yer out alone, Stephen. Yer with me."

"That's sort of the problem." Ste's face fell. "You can't really blame her after .. you know."

This again, Brendan thought. This fear he could see in Ste's eyes now, as he looked straight into them. That would never go away, no matter how much Brendan changed.

"That's not gonna happen again." Brendan muttered.

"No?"

"No."

"Why?" Ste's shoulders slouched a tad. "What's changed?"

Brendan was the one fiddling with his napkin now.

"Nothing." Ste argued, "And you know it."

"I've changed, Stephen." Brendan announced ever so suddenly. "Do ye really think I'd be here now if I hadn't? Seriously?"

No, Ste thought - but he just shrugged in response instead.

"If ye don't believe me, then okay, I'll take ye home right now, and that'll be it, we'll say no more about it."

"Or?"

"Or ye can trust me for once. It's yer choice."

"Okay." Ste decided, "Alright, I trust you."

"No ye don't."

"I can learn to. In time."

Brendan was okay with that - for now.

"We are gonna have to go, though. Amy's getting a bit funny." Ste put his phone back in his pocket, after reading the endless list of messages from his best friend. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah," Brendan took out his wallet and dropped a handful of notes onto the table. "Don't want her thinking I've kidnapped ye, do we?"

The drive back to the village was quiet, yet comfortable. They didn't speak much, if at all, but it didn't matter. They'd spoken enough for one night. Especially Ste, who was known for his constant chatter anyway. He sometimes got too carried away with his talking and it ended up annoying Brendan. But not tonight. Brendan seemed relaxed, despite being in a room with other people. It was like they weren't even there. Obviously the fact they were sat in a little booth with a curtain partially drawn across it was an advantage for the type of privacy Brendan liked. It was nice. Kinda intimate, too.

"I'll see ye around, then." Brendan slowed the car down when they reached Ste's flat.

"Maybe." Ste grinned at him, but it soon fell into a smaller smile. "I had fun tonight."

"So ye should have, the amount of money I spent."

Ste tutted, "You know what I mean."

Brendan stared straight ahead into the darkness. "Yeah ... yeah, me too."

"So what happens now?" Ste asked him, a little unsure. "Where do we go from here?"

"Well," Brendan looked at him again. "I think yer meant to go in there to the lovely Amy, and I'm meant to go home and go to sleep. Yer talking has worn me out."

"I meant with us."

Brendan sighed, "I dunno." The playful, sarcastic tone from his voice had gone now. "Where do ye wanna go?"

"I dunno."

"That answers that, then."

Ste undid his seatbelt, and looked over to the flat. He saw the lace curtain in the window move. Amy. Then looked back over at Brendan, then down at his hands. "We should just .. wait and see then, I guess."

"Okay."

Ste leaned over the seats, and planted a soft kiss against Brendan's lips, which only lasted a couple of seconds before he pulled back.

"Night, Brendan." He whispered, as he got out of the car and closed the door behind him.

Brendan started the engine back up, and drove off into the night. Ste could see him looking in the mirror at him before he turned the corner, and he smiled.

"Ste!" Amy hissed from behind him, "Do you have any idea how worried I was?"

"I'm fine." Ste laughed gently.

"So?" She stood in the doorway, waiting for Ste to tell her what happened. "Did he try worm his way back in?"

"Nope."

"What, really?" Ste could hear the surprise in her voice. "He didn't try anything on?"

"Not once."

"Wow." She sat on the edge of Ste's bed. "So has he changed, then? Has the impossible become possible? Tell me the details!"

"Amy Barnes," Ste laid down, and stared up at her. "You have no idea." 


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N – Happy valetines day! This chapter is umm, chatty? I guess. And a little angsty toward the end, too. I was gonna keep it strictly fluffy, with it being the day of love and all, but what's Stendan without a bit of angst on a day like this? :P Anywayss, enjoy! X**

Ste couldn't sleep. It wasn't that he wasn't tired enough, he was knackered after the night he and Brendan spent together. He just had a lot on his mind. Too much. For two weeks now, they had been seeing each other nearly every other day since their "date". Ste spent most of his time over at Brendan's, only going back to his flat to see the kids and pick up some more clothes (though it wasn't like he really needed them much). Things were going good between them. They talked, and laughed, and even went out in public together. Just as mates, though. They had tried going out as people in a "relationship" once before, but Ste could see how uncomfortable it made Brendan. Holding hands in public, talking loudly about their private lives - he hated it. He was way out of his comfort zone, so Ste got them out of there as quickly as he could and made it up to him the minute they got back to Brendan's flat.

But now in bed, with Brendan's arm slung around his shoulder, his mind began to wander. These feelings Ste had for Brendan ... were they mutual? After everything that had gone on between them over the last few months, was it still possible that Brendan was just using him? Amy had been warning him almost every time he went back to the flat, to be careful, to not pin his hopes on Brendan too much, but why not? What good would it do if Ste went on not trusting him? He'd already messed up enough, when Brendan went to prison. He wasn't gonna mess up again. He was certain that neither of them would, yet as he laid next to this man he thought he knew so well, he wasn't sure. Part of him was tempted to get up, leave a note and call it a day. Better off cutting all ties before someone ended up getting hurt, wasn't it? At least that way, Ste won't have fallen in too deep again. He wouldn't have to build himself back up, the way he had to before, and Brendan .. well he would be fine, wouldn't he? He could go into town, get himself a different twink every night and Ste would be nothing but a distant memory. Ste looked up at Brendan, in his sleeping state, and prodded him in the side. The first time Ste prodded him, he didn't even move. The second, he tried to bat whatever was poking him away with his free hand. And then the third, finally one of his eyes opened lazily, still drooping heavily as though he would fall back to sleep any minute.

"Brendan?" Ste whispered, still looking up at him. His chin now resting on Brendan's bare chest. "You awake?"

"Hm." Brendan grunted. That would be a no, then.

Ste prodded him a few more times, a little harder, until one of his eyes opened fully. "Brendan?"

Brendan took back his arm from around Ste's shoulders, and sluggishly reached over to his bedside table and picked up his watch. "Stephen, do ye have any idea what time it is?" He asked, groggily.

"Half four." Ste had checked Brendan's watch ten minutes earlier. "I wanna talk to you."

"And it couldn't wait until a double-digit time?"

"Not really."

Brendan glanced down at him, and propped a pillow up behind his own head. "Okay. Okay go on."

"Right-"

"And if this isn't important, ye will have to make it up to me."

"Right, shut up then!"

"Okay."

"You know .. this .."

"This?"

"Me and you,"

Brendan groaned rather loudly. "Please don't tell me ye woke me up to talk about _feelings_,"

"Not feelings."

"Thank god."

"But about us."

Brendan groaned again, rubbing his face with his hands. "What about it?"

"When you came out of prison," Ste began. However he was soon interrupted.

"Stephen." Brendan warned. "Not now."

"No, but-"

"I said," His voice got lower. "Not now."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Because what?"

Brendan let out a long, exasperated sigh. "Just.. not tonight. Please."

"We need to talk about it, though." Ste shuffled a little further away from Brendan. He was pushing it now. He could feel it.

"And we will. But at half four in the morning? Are ye kidding me?"

"I couldn't sleep."

Brendan stared at him for a moment. Taking in what he could see of the boy in the darkness of the room. A sadness covered his entire face. It made Brendan's chest ache, seeing that look, when for the past two weeks he had worked so hard at trying to get rid of it. To make him smile, and laugh. To make him happy. Yet his best efforts didn't seem to be working. He'd done everything Ste wanted him to do, and more, yet he still wasn't happy. Why? What could he do, to change it? He knew talking about prison was a no-go. Too raw of a subject for them, especially this late at night, because he knew how it would end. Ste would walk out, and Brendan would be back where he was before. Alone, and miserable. Drinking vast amounts of alcohol to numb the pain. To help him fall unconscious at the end of the night, when he found it the hardest to be alone. He couldn't sleep, not properly. His bed didn't feel like it was his own. Like it belonged to him. It was huge, with just him in it. One side cold, and empty, where Ste should be. Where Ste was now. That's what he wanted. He didn't want him to go anywhere, not now, but if they talked about prison, about what happened ... he would. He would leave him, maybe once and for all. Brendan wouldn't exactly blame him if he did, either. Sometimes he wished he could do the same.

Brendan stretched his arm out, so his fingers brushed lightly against Ste's cheek. His skin, so soft, so smooth, so warm. The corners of Ste's mouth turned upwards at Brendan's touch, but his eyes betrayed him still.

"Go on then." Brendan muttered.

"What?"

"Let's talk about it."

"Really?"

"Ye wanted to talk, didn't ye?"

"Yeah, but.."

"Go on, then."

"Okay." Ste rested his head on the palm of his hand. "Were you scared?"

"No. Next question."

"Brendan."

Brendan pinched the bridge of his nose, then let his hand flop down onto the bed. "Wouldn't ye be? If ye laid in yer bed listening to grown men in the cell next to ye, screaming out in pain because they'd had a run in with one of the other lads? Or if ye sat there waiting for someone to come for ye instead? Because someone had sent them to hurt ye, real bad. So bad that ye couldn't move, or breathe afterwards. And ye just had to be ready for it. To accept that, in any minute, ye were about to have the daylights beaten out of ye. Three or four men entering yer cell, all ten times bigger than ye. Wouldn't ye be scared, if ye had to face that every day?"

"I'd be terrified."

"I wasn't far off."

"Did you, uh .. did you think that you wouldn't .. that you .."

"Wouldn't come out alive?"

Ste nodded.

"It wasn't an option." Brendan said, matter-of-factly.

"Did you fight back?"

"The first couple of times.." Brendan sniffed. "After that there was no point. I'm no superman, Stephen."

"How did you get through it?"

Brendan shrugged. "Dunno. Determination, I guess."

"What did Warren even want from you, anyway?"

"The club."

"Are you serious?" Ste asked in disbelief. "That's it?"

"What do ye mean, 'that's it'?"

"It's a club, Brendan!" Ste cried, "You almost got killed over the club?"

"Stephen, calm down."

"No, right, did you not think about what it would do to Cheryl if you died? She would have been in bits, Brendan! And your kids! What about them?"

"And that," Brendan settled down into bed again, "is why we shouldn't talk about it."

"What is?"

"Yer getting angry."

"No I'm not."

"Sounds like ye are to me."

"I was just saying." Ste's voice became calmer, "The club wasn't worth almost dying over."

"Well I didn't, did I?"

"But if you did.."

Ste couldn't even bear to think about it, Brendan not being there. Being taken away by some thug with a grudge. It sent his blood ice cold, and he found himself covered in goosebumps. His own fingers traced lightly over the little bumps covering his skin. "Did you hate me?" he managed to croak out, finding it impossible to swallow the lump in his throat.

"What?"

"When you were inside." Ste continued, "Did you hate me?"

Brendan let out a dry laugh. "No," He mumbled. "No I didn't."

Something about the way Brendan spoke, and the way his entire posture changed once Ste asked the question put him on edge slightly. Brendan was an unpredictable man, and it took the smallest things to trigger him off sometimes. Adding to the fact that he was probably tired, too, it was overall a dangerous combination.

"I do have one question, though." He stated, "Just one."

"Okay."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did ye think it?"

"Um," Ste began fiddling with his hands. Suddenly he felt tiny, against Brendan, in this big room. He'd never really thought about his reasoning for believing Brendan was the killer. At the time, it just all seemed to fit. Brendan would do literally anything to protect his children, from pain and from the truth of who he was. So when Rae blurted out Brendan's most important secret, Ste knew how Brendan would react. He would be angry, and panicky. The last Ste saw of Brendan was when he had Rae pinned against a fence near MOBs, and he was shouting in her face. Screaming at her. Something about, if she ever came between him and his family again; he would kill her. Those words. Kill her. That's all Ste could think of when Brendan was in prison, and he would be laying in bed. Going over it in his mind. Why couldn't he see it coming? Why did he not read the most obvious signs? He could have stopped it. He could have stopped him. Or at least, who he thought killed her at the time. But then Silas was found out. Exposed to the village as the serial murderer. And Ste's entire logic completely went to crap. He'd accused Brendan, shouting his hate for the man all over the village, refusing to go visit him whenever Amy (Amy, of all people) tried convince him that it might be worth hearing him out. He'd completely betrayed Brendan's trust, and he was terrified. Terrified of how Brendan would react when he found out Ste thought, like everyone else, that he was guilty. He was right to be worried, too. The way Brendan spoke to him when he first came home ... like he was a stranger. A bit of dirt on the bottom of Brendan's shoe. It broke his heart, seeing Brendan look at him like that. Ste's lack of trust in him was something that blurred their vision of each other. They didn't look at each other in the way they used to. Their eyes filled with adoration, and love, and on Brendan's part - trust. That wasn't there anymore. It was all lies, pain and bitterness. No love, no adoration, no nothing. And now everything had changed. Again. Those looks, they were returning to the way they were before. The smiles were genuine. The feelings .. it was all still there. So why, sat next to Brendan now, did Ste feel like it was about crumble down into dust? Why did he feel like his explanation would completely ruin everything all over again?

He took a deep breath, and spoke. "I know what you're capable of, Brendan. What you've done to me in the past, what you've done to other people. I know how much you wanted to keep being .. _y'know_ .. quiet while Declan was around. So he wouldn't find out. But he did find out, and I knew you'd go mad. I saw how you were with Rae, before she ... and at the time, it just made sense. They found her body .. and the weapon .. what was I supposed to think, when I know you better than anyone?"

"But hurting a woman, Stephen-"

"I _know_ you, Brendan. When you get pushed too far ... I know what happens. What can end up happening." Ste felt a wetness travelling down his cheeks. "When you get angry... you're out of control. How many times have I tried to stop you, eh? From hitting me?"

Brendan didn't say anything.

"It was easier to believe it, than it was to go against everything I already knew." Ste wiped his nose with the back of his hand and let out a shaky breath. "I'm sorry."

Brendan remained speechless. Just staring down at the bed, and his hands. He didn't move. For a second, Ste wasn't sure he was even breathing.

"Do you want me to go?" Ste asked. He just needed to hear Brendan speak to him. To reassure him that he hadn't just ruined everything, again, with simply a few sentences.

Brendan coughed, and wiped at his face. "Come here." He raised an arm for Ste to slide under.

"What?"

"Come here." Brendan repeated. A little more aggravated this time.

Ste hesitantly did as he was told and slid underneath Brendan's arm, letting it curl around him. "Go to sleep." Brendan murmured, sounding already half-way there himself.

It was then that Ste knew. The way Brendan's arm was around him. Not protective, nor caring like before. Just there, hanging onto his shoulder, half heartedly.

It was finished. All of it. Everything. It was all finished.


	4. Chapter 4

A few hours later, when Brendan had woken up once more, Ste had gone.

Not that he was surprised. He predicted this would happen, after they spoke about prison. He knew it was too soon for that subject to come up. He didn't even want to talk about it in the first place. But Ste had pouted, and sulked, and Brendan found it extremely difficult to say no to such a face. One of his many weaknesses when it came to that boy. But now, with the cold space beside him, he wished he knew how to say no. Say no from letting him back in. Not only into his life, or his bed, but back into his mind. Back into his heart. He was doing reasonably okay before he bumped into Ste that day, two weeks ago. Things were hard, but he was coping at least. That was better than nothing. But no. Ste had to bump into him, and he had to get himself right back under his skin. Little fucker.

Brendan got out of bed, and plodded through to the kitchen. Cheryl and Lynsey were sat at the table. Totally silent. Talking about him, Brendan assumed.

"Morning ladies." Brendan said, pouring himself a cup of coffee. "If ye want me to leave the room so ye can gossip some more, feel free to ask."

Cheryl's cheeks turned a slight pink. Her eyes darted to Brendan's room, and then back to him. "No Ste?"

"Doesn't look like it, does it?"

"I thought-"

"What? Ye thought what?"

"Brendan," Lynsey complained, "Don't have a go at her because you and Ste have had a lovers tiff."

"Who asked ye?" Brendan spat.

"Brendan!" Cheryl spat back, "Don't be miserable with us, love. Have you two fallen out?"

"No, Chez. Just leave it." He slammed his mug down on the counter and left the flat through the back door. He was tired of being nagged. By Cheryl, by Lynsey, by Ste.

He wanted this. This "relationship". Brendan sure as hell didn't. Men don't have relationships. Yet Brendan had put aside everything his father had taught him growing up, and he went for it. For Ste. Because that's what he wanted. That's what would make him happy. And Brendan found that, when Ste was happy; so was he. When they were in their own little bubble, things were okay. Things were good, even. The world hadn't collapsed around him for being with another man. It was when things started getting a little too real, that it all became a little bit difficult. Going out, in public, together. Brendan wasn't used to that, but he did it. He put himself through that for Ste. He put himself being looked at and gossiped about, for Ste. Yet, this is how Ste repaid him. For all of it. By walking out, without one single word. Okay. If that's how he wanted to play things, then fine. Brendan was fine with that. Or at least, that's what he told himself as he stormed his way through the SU Bar. Pushing every student roughly out of his way, if they got in his way. Once he approached the bar, he realised Ste wasn't there. Instead he was greeted by Dodger.

"Alright, Brendan." Dodger grinned, wiping the bar down.

"Stephen around?"

"Nah, his shift don't start 'til one. You can wait, if you want. Or I can tell him you called by."

"No, it's fine." Brendan turned on his heel, and left.

So he would have to go to Ste's flat. That suited him better, really. He wasn't ready to rant and rave about their private lives infront of people in the SU Bar.

He banged his fist against the door. A little more urgently than he had first intended. Before the door opened fully, Brendan pushed his way through and let himself into the front room of the flat. He could hear Amy shouting after him, but he ignored her. She wasn't important right now.

"Stephen?" Brendan shouted, looking towards Ste's bedroom. "Stephen, I know yer in there."

"Excuse me!" Amy yelled, "Who the _hell_ do you think you are?"

"Stephen, just talk to me." Brendan ignored her once again.

"He doesn't want to speak to you! Take the hint, Brendan!"

"Will ye shut up?" Brendan turned to Amy now. "I'm here to talk to Stephen. Alone. Yer not part of this, Amy!"

"You think I'm leaving him with you?" Amy laughed, as though it was the most ridiculous thing she'd ever heard. "He'd be safer with a rabid dog, than with you!"

Brendan breathed in through his nose. "Ye really are starting to annoy me now, Amy."

"What are you gonna do, Brendan? Hit a woman? Or is it still just boys?"

"I haven't hit him!" Brendan hissed, and turned his attention back to Ste's unopened bedroom door. "Stephen will ye please talk to me?"

"No, you just threw him out at six in the morning once you had your wicked way with him!"

"What?" Brendan asked. Confused.

"Yeah. After you got him into bed, you kicked him out into the cold. I should have known, really. You don't want Ste. Not properly. You just wanted to use him all over again. I warned him not to go anywhere near you, but he didn't listen. He thought you'd changed, but you don't really change do you? People like you. They never change."

Brendan laughed. Almost maniacally.

"You find this funny?"

Just then, Ste's door opened. And he appeared in the hallway.

"Here's the man himself!" Brendan clapped his hands together once. "Why don't ye tell me, Stephen, at what point this morning did I throw ye out?"

"Brendan."

"After I got what I wanted. Hm. And what was that?"

"Please."

"Can't you see you're upsetting him?" Amy went over to Ste, and put an arm around him.

"Ye see, Amy, I thought the same thing at half four this morning. When Stephen here woke me up, because he wanted to talk to me. And do ye know what we talked about? Did he tell ye?"

Amy shook her head.

"Then I will, shall I?" Brendan went on, "He wanted to talk to me about prison, and about what happened. So I told him. But I had a few questions of my own as ye can imagine. Well one. I'm not sure if yer aware, but young Stephen here thought I was a serial killer. Did ye know that?"

Amy went to open her mouth, but Brendan continued.

"Course ye did. So I asked him why, and he told me. Do ye wanna know what he said?"

Tears were rolling down Ste's cheeks now. But it didn't stop Brendan.

"Because he _knows_ me. Because he knows what a monster I am."

"Bren.." Ste near whispered.

Brendan felt himself getting choked up, but he carried on regardless. "But not only did he think I killed those girls. He thought I could do that to him, too. And ye know part of me, Stephen, part of me could see why ye would think that. As the lovely Amy here already knows, I'm without a heart, aren't I?"

"That's enough." Amy warned quietly.

"I haven't got to the best bit, yet. Yer favourite part. This morning, when I supposedly threw Stephen out, do ye wanna know where I was?"

"Obvi-"

"Shut up." Brendan snapped. "I was in bed. Asleep. Because young Stephen here," Brendan gestured towards Ste now, "ran out himself. He got up out of my bed and left my flat. On his own. I didn't throw him out, I didn't even know he was gone. So it seems he's been telling ye a few white lies there, Amy."

Amy looked shocked. Her mouth was slightly open. Her eyes slightly sceptical. She looked at Ste, for confirmation that what Brendan just said was true, and she got a nod in response. She didn't look apologetic. Brendan didn't expect her to be. He didn't even know what had set him off, either. Amy was being so smug, that Ste had gone back to her. It just all came out of his mouth, and he couldn't seem to stop it. He had so much he needed to say, and the only way he could was if he said it infront of Amy. Because she wasn't leaving Ste with him.

"Are you done?" Amy asked, calmer than before.

Brendan glanced over at Ste, who had wiped his tears with the sleeve of his hooded jumper, and nodded.

"Ste?"

"Ames, could you give me a minute?" Ste mumbled. "I'll be fine. I promise."

"Sure ye wanna leave him with the big bad wolf, Amy?"

Amy marched up to Brendan. "I'll be just outside. If you dare, and I mean _dare_, lay one finger on him, I'll ring the police, and you'll go back to prison. Where filth like you belongs." She turned around so quickly that her hair flicked in Brendan's face, and walked away.

"Charming."

The front door shut, Amy was gone. It was just them two now. Things were a bit more uncomfortable. Ste was stood as far as he possibly could away from Brendan. Close enough so they didn't have to shout, but far enough to get a head start if Brendan went for him.

"I dunno why you're here." Ste muttered, looking out of the kitchen window. "I thought me leaving the flat this morning made things pretty clear."

"That's where yer wrong, Stephen. It made no sense to me."

"I didn't just leave for no reason. You didn't want me there."

"When did I say that?"

"You didn't need to say it, Brendan!"

"Then how did ye come to that conclusion?"

"The way that you-"

"The way that I what? The way that I ended the conversation, because ye were upset? That was really selfish of me, I must admit. Not wanting to see ye like that. What was I thinking?"

Ste was the one who was speechless now. He took a step forward, however Brendan took a step back.

"No, don't." He told him. "Don't."

"See."

"I'm not doing this because I don't-.. I thought we were.. good. Then ye tell me that ye think I'm capable of doing _that_ to ye? Fucking hell, after everything, Stephen."

Brendan could see images in his mind. Of Ste, on the pavement. Bleeding. Dying. Helpless. Completely alone. The only way he could stop it, was to get rid of Danny. He wasn't prepared to let Ste get hurt, because of him. He refused to lose him. He didn't even know where it came from, but that night confirmed so much - when he allowed himself to think of it. It confirmed what Brendan had been keeping at bay for a while. He didn't want to acknowledge it, the way he felt about Ste, but it was always there. In the back of his mind. But he was scared. He was fucking terrified, because he'd never felt that way before. About anyone. No woman, no man, nobody. He didn't think he could, if he was honest. After the way he normally dealt with previous partners, he didn't think it was possible. To feel regret after he hurt him. To feel like a fucking idiot because he knew he should deal with it differently. And then Ste said it. Those three words, that Brendan had heard so many times before from others. From Macca, and Vinnie. Yet when they said it, they meant nothing. Not a single damn thing. It just meant Brendan needed to knock some sense into them both. Remind them what it was they had going on. That it wasn't love, and it never would be.

_'Don't ever say that to me again'_, He would tell them as they doubled over in pain from the blow to the ribs. _'Do ye understand? Never.'_

A winded apology would always escape their mouths, but they would always say it again. They never learned.

But when Ste said it, Brendan somehow didn't have the power to crush his ribs with his fist. He didn't have the power to hit him, and see that pain and heartbreak in his eyes that he had seen in all the others. He just couldn't bring himself to do it. So he kissed him, to shut him up. And then sent him away. Though that never lasted long. It never did, with Ste. They would always go back to each other, and end up where they started. It was so frustrating, but at the same time it was like they couldn't breathe without being near each other. Without seeing each other. Without getting that familiar thump in their chest. That thump that would beat harder when they got closer. That thump that sometimes felt like it could burst through their chest. And Brendan could feel that thump now, standing at least ten foot away from Ste. It never went away. Not once.

"I should go." Brendan muttered, moving towards the door.

"Brendan, please." Ste said, grabbing hold of his arm. His fingers digging into the leather jacket sleeve. "Please."

Brendan looked down at Ste's hand that was clung to him. "Let go."

"No."

"Now."

"No."

Brendan raised his other arm, and placed his hand ontop of Ste's, curling his fingers round it.

"We need to talk about this."

"Look where that got us before." Brendan gently lifted Ste's hand off his arm, and gave it a light squeeze before letting it go. He leaned forward, and kissed Ste's forehead. Breathing him in completely, one last time. He didn't know when he would get to do that again, if ever. That familiar scent invaded his nostrils. The smell of cheap deodrant, but something that was purely him. Something soft, and delicate. Almost like Ste himself.

Brendan pulled away, and forced himself to speak. "I'll see ye around," He sniffed, blinking back the few tears that threatened to fall. "Ste."

"Brendan." Ste whispered, as he watched Brendan leave through the front door as fast as he possibly could. He practically shoved Amy out of the way, but she didn't seem to care. She turned her attention to a broken Ste, stood infront of her.

"Are you okay?"

"He called me Ste." Ste whimpered gently.

And that shouldn't have meant anything. It was just a name. Everyone called him Ste. So why did it feel like a knife through the heart when Brendan called him it? Was it because when Brendan said it, it sent a single shiver down Ste's spine every time? That when he said it, it was with feeling, with an intimacy of sorts? That it was territorial, and possessive - as though Ste belonged to him? As though he was Brendan's, and Brendan's only? It was ridiculous, surely. But with Ste, now sobbing into Amy's arms, it felt like his entire world had just collapsed on top of him. So this was what it felt like to have your heart break into a million pieces. To cry so much that it became difficult to breath, if you could even breathe at all. He knew he had to do something. To try make things right. But he just didn't know how to. He saw the look in Brendan's eye before he left. He knew that look. He saw it when Brendan first came out of prison. A look of hurt, and betrayal. It wasn't just Ste's heart that had been broken all over again. It was Brendan's, too.

A/N(**Hope you enjoyed it. Reviews would be appreciated, but really, just thanks for reading. X**)


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